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How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary: When I meet a person, and he tells me he plays the violin, I become fascinated. The first thing I want to do is hear him play.
When I meet a person, and he tells me he’s a painter, I instantly want to see his paintings. I want to ask him about what he paints, what his lifestyle is like. I want to ask him why my paintings look like I’m five years old.
If I meet a doctor, I instantly want him to tell me his craziest patient stories. I want to know what his schedule is like. I want to know how that affects his family.
But was I always like this? NO!
How to Win Friends and Influence People Review: I used to be interested in only one sport, one instrument, one profession, one everything. And it was obviously the one thing that I did. If I didn’t do something, it couldn’t possibly have value or be interesting to me. I would sit there and pretend I was listening when all I really did was think about the things I was going to say when the other person was done. And once the person was done, I would unload all my really interesting and important stuff onto them.
If your social interactions suffer, one of the biggest reasons might be this.
Lesson 1: You need to become genuinely interested in other people
By doing this, you will create a beautiful variety in your life, and also have great social experiences because you won’t be sitting there creepily excited about what you’re going to say when the person is done talking.
Lesson 2: The second important lesson I want to talk about is the importance of remembering that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language
I used to meet people, and I was so concerned about all the social pressures and expectations, that I would miss the most important part. And that part is when the person tells you his name. I would hear it, but in about 30 seconds I would realize I had no idea what that person’s name was. Not only did that make my interactions awkward, but it also made me unable to connect with people on a deeper level. And unless you have some kind of flawless memory, you probably identify with this. So what I started doing was not only focusing using on the name more but using an effective technique.
When the person says, “Hey, my name is Bill.” Instead of saying, “Nice to meet you,” try saying, “Nice to meet you, Bill.” You have just repeated his name back to him, and that helps tremendously with actually remembering the person’s name. You will also start to notice that people feel more connected to you and respond better when you use their name, and it is because a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Now, the following story from 'Dale Carnegie books' combines two important lessons:
Lesson 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
Lesson 4: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely
"How to Win Friends and Influence People Review" Continuation-
A few years ago, I went out with my friends, and by the end of the night they were all drunk, and I was driving them back. They are all yelling and screaming the whole way, and suddenly they all decide they are hungry and want Taco Bell. So I take the exit on the highway, and I have no idea where I am, it’s 3 AM in the morning, and I see I’m going the wrong way and need to turn around. All of a sudden I have to make a split-second decision, I’m about to turn around, but then I see the no turnaround sign. I still turn around. I drive to Taco Bell, and as I approach to order, I see police lights in the rear mirror.
The policeman comes up and says, “Hey, how are you doing tonight?” And I said, “I’m doing well, sir, how are you?” He says, “I’m doing well, too,” and asks me if I know why he pulled me over. Now, in the next second, my social conditioning kicks in. I want to say no. I want to say I didn’t know where I was. I want to say it’s really late; there are no cars around anyway. I want to say I didn’t see the sign. I want to say I’m being responsible, and my friends are creating all this chaos in the car, and I couldn’t think straight.
Once that second is up, however, Carnegie’s principles kick in, and I say, “Yes, sir. I turned even though I saw the no turnaround sign. I panicked and made a poor decision.” As I said this, his face changed completely. It looked so confused like he had never heard anything like this before. After some silence, I said, “I know I made a mistake and I’m willing to face the consequences for it. Thank you for doing your job.” And he kept looking back in confusion and amazement, then smiled as he had never been that happy in his entire life and said this while he handed me my driver’s license, “Thank you for being responsible and taking care of these guys, and I hope you have a good night.”
Now some people might hear this and say, “Okay, you admitted you were wrong. Good. You made him feel important. Good. But you weren’t being genuine.” And look, could I have pulled this off without being genuine? Possibly. But I do really appreciate that policeman doing his job. I really do. I appreciate him just like I would appreciate him if he pulled over a huge SUV with a bunch of drunk guys in it before they crashed into my girlfriend’s car and killed her while she’s driving on her way home.
These are the four essential lessons from "How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary"-
1. You need to become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.