Review/Summary: The 5 Love Languages | Book

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5 Love Languages Summary: There's a guy who thought he did everything he could to make his wife happy, but the wife was just sad. He couldn't understand why. He would say, "Look! I'm doing all these things for her..." But here was the reality-

He never told her how much he loved her. He never told her how beautiful she was. In his mind, it was like "Why is all that stuff necessary? I make sure to support the family, take out the trash, and fix things... I'm showing her real love, why are those extra words necessary?" 

Alright, so that is the equivalent of someone who speaks English going to China and talking with people who don't understand English, and being confused about why it's not working. Why don't they understand me! I'm speaking English, it's the best language in the world, how can they not understand me? 
5 love languages review

The whole idea here is that people speak different love languages. In this example, the man's love language was acts of service. And his wife's love language was words of affirmation.

He spoke the language of acts of service and expected his wife to feel loved, which is again kind of like talking to a Chinese person who doesn't speak English and being surprised and angry that he doesn't understand you.

So the "5 Love Languages Review" is expressed through the following:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

One of the things that have made my relationship with my girlfriend so enjoyable for over two years now is that we have the same primary love language, and it's quality time which is closely followed by physical touch.

The most enjoyable thing for us is we cook a fantastic dinner, sit down and just spend time with each other. Also when we go on a date and just spend time together, and it's the same thing with physical touch. We can sit around for literally hours just holding and touching each other, and it doesn't have to be anything sexual.

That works out well, but for her 'words of affirmation' are quite important as well.

For me, I don't care so much about it. I don't have to be told every time how pretty I am. I'm fine without that.

But at the same time, I don't make the mistake of thinking, "Well, I don't need it, so it doesn't matter." No, I tell her how beautiful she is, because why wouldn't I? Even though that's something that I don't need but I find it really enjoyable to do it for her.

Now here's a little difference between the book and this. The whole idea of the "5 love languages summary" is to figure out what your partner's need is and then meet that need.

So let's say you've been married for 30 years, and her primary love language was acts of service. What that means is that she's not going to feel loved when you cook a fantastic dinner, sit down, look at each other and appreciate each other. She's going to feel loved when you take out the trash.

Now the advice is, figure out that what she needs and then do it. But you know what, You could do that in the short run, but in the long run that's going to lead to resentment. I just hate the whole idea of even thinking about it.

So I guess if you've been married for 30 years, and everything sucks, then yes, taking out the trash and meeting her need can make your relationship way better than it is. But my advice for an amazing relationship would be to pick a partner with roughly the same disposition.

It's kind of like you hate German, you just hate the way it sounds, you never want to hear it in your life, and then you start a relationship with a German girl. And you get the advice, "Well, just meet her need and speak German with her." And yes, it will be better than talking to her in a language that she doesn't understand, but it would also be way better to start with a French girl because you love French.

Try to find a partner who has a similar disposition. Realize that there will be slight differences, like 'words of affirmation' in my situation, and adjust to that if that's going to be something that you know you will enjoy. But otherwise, if it's something that you know you don't like, don't be like, "Well, I'll just accommodate that." I guess if you're in a relationship which you're not going to get out of for different reasons like marriage, then that can be the best thing that you can do, but otherwise, make sure you're going to enjoy meeting your partner's needs.

You don't want to be the guy who only enjoys physical touch during intimacy and stuck with a girl who just intends to snuggle on the couch for three hours, and then you're trying to accommodate that.

And you don't want to be the girl who enjoys going on amazing dates, spending quality time and stuck with a guy who doesn't feel loved by that and instead feels loved when you wash his dishes. So, that's the whole "5 love languages review".

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